JOKES
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 53
From:
RE: JOKES
>
>
>A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course, became
>confused as to where he was on the course.
>
>Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her,
>explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing.
>"I'm on the 7th hole," she replied, "and you are a hole behind me So you must
>be on the 6th hole."
>
>He thanked her and went back to his golfball.
>
>On the back nine, the same thing happened and he approached her again
>with the same request.
>
>"I'm on number 14, and you're still a hole behind, so you must be on the 13th
>hole."
>
>Once again he thanked her and returned to his play.
>
>He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady
>sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady.
>The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often.
>
>He approached her and said, "Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your
>help. I understand that you're in the sales profession. I'm in sales also.
>What
>do you sell?"
>
>"I'll tell you, but you're going to laugh," she replied.
>
>"No, I won't."
>
>"Well, if you must know," she answered, "I work for Tampax."
>
>With that, he laughed so hard he almost fell off the bar stool.
>
>"See," she said. "I knew you'd laugh!"
>
>"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied, "I'm a salesman for
>Preparation
>H, so I'm still a hole behind you."
>
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 7,579
From:
RE: JOKES
ACTUAL AD IN THE CLASSIFFIED
$10,000
06' Suzuki GSXR 1000
Farmington, UT 84025 - Aug 7, 2006
2006 Suzuki 1000.
This bike is perfect! It has 1000 miles and has had its 500 mile dealer
service. (Expensive)
It's been adult ridden, all wheels have always been on the ground. I use it
as a cruiser/commuter.
I'm selling it because it was purchased without Proper Consent of a Loving Wife.
Apparently "Do whatever the Hell you want" doesn't mean what I thought.
Call me: Steve (801) 867-
$10,000
06' Suzuki GSXR 1000
Farmington, UT 84025 - Aug 7, 2006
2006 Suzuki 1000.
This bike is perfect! It has 1000 miles and has had its 500 mile dealer
service. (Expensive)
It's been adult ridden, all wheels have always been on the ground. I use it
as a cruiser/commuter.
I'm selling it because it was purchased without Proper Consent of a Loving Wife.
Apparently "Do whatever the Hell you want" doesn't mean what I thought.
Call me: Steve (801) 867-
Senior Member
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,226
From:
RE: JOKES
This is hard. The Airforce Pilotsreally do this for 2 minutes? It took me 8 tries to get to 18.8 and half were trying to figure out what i was doing. This is insane!!!
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Senior Member
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 16,711
RE: JOKES
Personally, I think ALL HUMMER OWNERS are Cool, but someone developed a test.
Cool Test:
http://www.sailinganarchy.com/genera.../cool_test.htm
Cool Test:
http://www.sailinganarchy.com/genera.../cool_test.htm
Senior Member
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 1,226
From:
RE: JOKES
Just a few funnies...
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Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 7,579
From:
RE: JOKES
FIREARMS REFRESHER COURSE
1. An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a subject.
2. A gun in the hand is better than a cop on the phone.
3 Colt: The original point and click interface.
4. Gun control is not about guns; it's about control.
5. If guns are outlawed, can we use swords?
6. If guns cause crime, then pencils cause misspelled words.
7. "Free" men do not ask permission to bear arms.
8. If you don't know your rights you don't have any.
9. Those who trade liberty for security have neither.
10. The United States Constitution (c) 1791. All Rights reserved.
11. What part of "shall not be infringed" do you not understand?
12. The Second Amendment is in place in case the politicians ignore the others.
13. 64,999,987 firearms owners killed no one yesterday.
14. Guns only have two enemies: rust and politicians.
15. Know guns, know peace, know safety. No guns, no peace, no safety.
16. You don't shoot to kill; you shoot to stay alive.
17. 911 - government sponsored Dial-a-Prayer.
18. Assault is a behavior, not a device.
19. Criminals love gun control -- it makes their jobs safer.
20. If guns cause crime, then matches cause arson.
21. Only a government that is afraid of its citizens tries to control them.
22. You only have the rights you are willing to fight for.
23. Enforce the "gun control laws" we ALREADY have, don't make more.
24. When you remove the people's right to bear arms, you create slaves.
25. The American Revolution would never have happened with gun control.
26. "A government of the people, by the people, for the people..."
1. An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a subject.
2. A gun in the hand is better than a cop on the phone.
3 Colt: The original point and click interface.
4. Gun control is not about guns; it's about control.
5. If guns are outlawed, can we use swords?
6. If guns cause crime, then pencils cause misspelled words.
7. "Free" men do not ask permission to bear arms.
8. If you don't know your rights you don't have any.
9. Those who trade liberty for security have neither.
10. The United States Constitution (c) 1791. All Rights reserved.
11. What part of "shall not be infringed" do you not understand?
12. The Second Amendment is in place in case the politicians ignore the others.
13. 64,999,987 firearms owners killed no one yesterday.
14. Guns only have two enemies: rust and politicians.
15. Know guns, know peace, know safety. No guns, no peace, no safety.
16. You don't shoot to kill; you shoot to stay alive.
17. 911 - government sponsored Dial-a-Prayer.
18. Assault is a behavior, not a device.
19. Criminals love gun control -- it makes their jobs safer.
20. If guns cause crime, then matches cause arson.
21. Only a government that is afraid of its citizens tries to control them.
22. You only have the rights you are willing to fight for.
23. Enforce the "gun control laws" we ALREADY have, don't make more.
24. When you remove the people's right to bear arms, you create slaves.
25. The American Revolution would never have happened with gun control.
26. "A government of the people, by the people, for the people..."
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 7,579
From:
RE: JOKES
My last Job application
NAME: Dennis (Grumpy Bastard)
SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION: Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I?
DESIRED SALARY: $150,000 a year plus share options...If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It was a crappy job.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big **** and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE...7 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.
NAME: Dennis (Grumpy Bastard)
SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION: Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I?
DESIRED SALARY: $150,000 a year plus share options...If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It was a crappy job.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big **** and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE...7 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.