JOKES
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 78
From:
RE: JOKES
A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits Mexico. Two million Mexicans have died and over 10 million are injured. The country is totally ruined and the government doesn't know where to start with asking for help to rebuild. The rest of the world is in shock.
Canada is sending troops to help the Mexican army control the riots.
Saudi Arabia is sending oil.
Other Latin American countries are sending supplies.
The European community is sending food and money.
The United States, not to be outdone, is sending twelve million replacement Mexicans!
[sm=americanasmiley.gif]
Canada is sending troops to help the Mexican army control the riots.
Saudi Arabia is sending oil.
Other Latin American countries are sending supplies.
The European community is sending food and money.
The United States, not to be outdone, is sending twelve million replacement Mexicans!
[sm=americanasmiley.gif]
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 59
From:
RE: JOKES
A man dials a number: "Hello, is this the sheriff's office?"
"Yes, what can we do for you?"
"My name is Floyd and I'm calling to report my neighbour Virgil Smith...he's hiding marijuana inside his firewood! I don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there"
"Thank you very much for your call, sir !"
The next day, the sheriff's deputies descent on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.
Shortly, Virgil's phone rings,
"Hey Virgil! This here's Floyd... did the sheriff come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep!"
"Happy birthday buddy!"
"Yes, what can we do for you?"
"My name is Floyd and I'm calling to report my neighbour Virgil Smith...he's hiding marijuana inside his firewood! I don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there"
"Thank you very much for your call, sir !"
The next day, the sheriff's deputies descent on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.
Shortly, Virgil's phone rings,
"Hey Virgil! This here's Floyd... did the sheriff come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep!"
"Happy birthday buddy!"
Super Moderator
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 11,001
From: Red Lion, PA
RE: JOKES
^^^HAHAHA
The Cardiologist's Funeral
A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart
covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.
Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside.
The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart
forever.
At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes
stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own
funeral. I'm a gynecologist."
The proctologist fainted.
The Cardiologist's Funeral
A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart
covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.
Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside.
The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart
forever.
At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes
stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own
funeral. I'm a gynecologist."
The proctologist fainted.
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 82
From: BC Canada
RE: JOKES
Proctologist joke
A proctologist just finished examining a patient and said "good by Mr.
Smith, see you next week". The nurse walks in a few minutes later and
has a form for the Proctologist to sign. The nurse sees that he is
trying to write with his rectal thermometer and informs the doctor of his
mistake. He exclaims "oh man, some ******* stole my pen!"
A proctologist just finished examining a patient and said "good by Mr.
Smith, see you next week". The nurse walks in a few minutes later and
has a form for the Proctologist to sign. The nurse sees that he is
trying to write with his rectal thermometer and informs the doctor of his
mistake. He exclaims "oh man, some ******* stole my pen!"
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 59
From:
RE: JOKES
A younger guy opens the door to the barbeshop full of people and asks the barber: "How long a wait for a haircut?"
"One hour" answers the barber.
The guy disappears and doesn't come back.
Next day the same guy opens the door again and asks: "How long a wait for a haircut?"
"One and half hour" answers the barber.
The guy disappears and doesn't come back.
The same thing keeps going on for more than a week.
Finally the barber can't help it and tells his assistant to follow the guy.
After a while the assistant comes back and is almost choking of laughter.
"What? Tell me, where did he go?"
The assistant can barely answer, laughing: "To your house!"
"One hour" answers the barber.
The guy disappears and doesn't come back.
Next day the same guy opens the door again and asks: "How long a wait for a haircut?"
"One and half hour" answers the barber.
The guy disappears and doesn't come back.
The same thing keeps going on for more than a week.
Finally the barber can't help it and tells his assistant to follow the guy.
After a while the assistant comes back and is almost choking of laughter.
"What? Tell me, where did he go?"
The assistant can barely answer, laughing: "To your house!"
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 7,579
From:
RE: JOKES
ORIGINAL: Misster
A younger guy opens the door to the barbeshop full of people and asks the barber: "How long a wait for a haircut?"
"One hour" answers the barber.
The guy disappears and doesn't come back.
Next day the same guy opens the door again and asks: "How long a wait for a haircut?"
"One and half hour" answers the barber.
The guy disappears and doesn't come back.
The same thing keeps going on for more than a week.
Finally the barber can't help it and tells his assistant to follow the guy.
After a while the assistant comes back and is almost choking of laughter.
"What? Tell me, where did he go?"
The assistant can barely answer, laughing: "To your house!"
A younger guy opens the door to the barbeshop full of people and asks the barber: "How long a wait for a haircut?"
"One hour" answers the barber.
The guy disappears and doesn't come back.
Next day the same guy opens the door again and asks: "How long a wait for a haircut?"
"One and half hour" answers the barber.
The guy disappears and doesn't come back.
The same thing keeps going on for more than a week.
Finally the barber can't help it and tells his assistant to follow the guy.
After a while the assistant comes back and is almost choking of laughter.
"What? Tell me, where did he go?"
The assistant can barely answer, laughing: "To your house!"
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 7,579
From:
RE: JOKES
ORIGINAL: Okanagan Hummer Girl
Proctologist joke
A proctologist just finished examining a patient and said "good by Mr.
Smith, see you next week". The nurse walks in a few minutes later and
has a form for the Proctologist to sign. The nurse sees that he is
trying to write with his rectal thermometer and informs the doctor of his
mistake. He exclaims "oh man, some ******* stole my pen!"
Proctologist joke
A proctologist just finished examining a patient and said "good by Mr.
Smith, see you next week". The nurse walks in a few minutes later and
has a form for the Proctologist to sign. The nurse sees that he is
trying to write with his rectal thermometer and informs the doctor of his
mistake. He exclaims "oh man, some ******* stole my pen!"
The Taste
Super Moderator
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 11,001
From: Red Lion, PA
RE: JOKES
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
Them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
--------------------------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to
Build up the required pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door , who do you let in first?
The dog , of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
-- -----------------------------------------------------------------
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
Them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
--------------------------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to
Build up the required pressure.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door , who do you let in first?
The dog , of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
-- -----------------------------------------------------------------
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.