JOKES
Senior Member
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 252
From:
RE: JOKES
A woman goes to a funeral home to make final arrangements for her recently deceased husband. The mortician takes her in to see her husband all prepped for the funeral. The wife comments on the very nice black suit that her husband is dressed in, but insists that he be buried in their favor color blue. The mortician pointed out that the suit was dark, and couldn't understand why the need for a blue suit. The woman handed the mortician $500 and insisted that he buy a nice blue suit for her husband. The next day, the woman arrives and sees her husband in a very nice blue suit. The mortician handed her back the $500, and she insisted that she should pay for the suit. The mortician told her is would not cost her anything since there was another woman who insisted on having her husband buried in a black suit and not the blue suit he was in, so the mortician switched...................heads.
Senior Member
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 3,150
RE: JOKES
A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut ?
The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy left.
A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked "How long before I can get a haircut ?"
The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours." The guy left.
A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a
haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and said, About an hour and half." The guy left.
The barber turned to a friend and said, "Hey, Bob, do me a favor. Follow that guy and see where
he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back."
A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asked, "So where does that guy go when he leaves ?"
Bob looked up, tears in his eyes and said, "Your house."
The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy left.
A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked "How long before I can get a haircut ?"
The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours." The guy left.
A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a
haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and said, About an hour and half." The guy left.
The barber turned to a friend and said, "Hey, Bob, do me a favor. Follow that guy and see where
he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back."
A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asked, "So where does that guy go when he leaves ?"
Bob looked up, tears in his eyes and said, "Your house."
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,173
From:
RE: JOKES
ORIGINAL: TigerLily
A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut ?
The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy left.
A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked "How long before I can get a haircut ?"
The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours." The guy left.
A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a
haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and said, About an hour and half." The guy left.
The barber turned to a friend and said, "Hey, Bob, do me a favor. Follow that guy and see where
he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back."
A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asked, "So where does that guy go when he leaves ?"
Bob looked up, tears in his eyes and said, "Your house."
A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut ?
The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy left.
A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked "How long before I can get a haircut ?"
The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours." The guy left.
A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a
haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and said, About an hour and half." The guy left.
The barber turned to a friend and said, "Hey, Bob, do me a favor. Follow that guy and see where
he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back."
A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asked, "So where does that guy go when he leaves ?"
Bob looked up, tears in his eyes and said, "Your house."
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 7,579
From:
RE: JOKES
A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a
blonde
already inside who greeted him with a bright, "T-G-I-F."
He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T."
She looked puzzled, and repeated, "T-G-I-F," more slowly.
He again answered, "S-H-I-T."
The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so, she smiled her biggest
smile and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F."
The man smiled back to her and once again, "S-H-I-T."
The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain, "'T-G-I-F' means
'Thank Goodness It's Friday.' Get it duuhhh?"
The man answered, "'S-H-I-T' means "Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday."
blonde
already inside who greeted him with a bright, "T-G-I-F."
He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T."
She looked puzzled, and repeated, "T-G-I-F," more slowly.
He again answered, "S-H-I-T."
The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so, she smiled her biggest
smile and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F."
The man smiled back to her and once again, "S-H-I-T."
The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain, "'T-G-I-F' means
'Thank Goodness It's Friday.' Get it duuhhh?"
The man answered, "'S-H-I-T' means "Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday."
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 78
From:
RE: JOKES
An ugly man walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face. "What are you so happy about?" asks the barkeep. "Well, I'll tell you," replies the ugly man. "You know I live by the railroad tracks. Well, on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the films. I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place. Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time! We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on top, every position imagineable!" "Fantastic!" exclaimed the barkeep. "You lucky bastard, was she pretty?"
"Dunno.......never found her head."
"Dunno.......never found her head."