JOKES
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 7,579
From:
RE: JOKES
Lexus RX400H
I just got my new Lexus RX400H and returned to the dealer the next day complaining that I couldn't figure out how the radio worked.
The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated?”Watch this"! He said “Nelson" The Radio replied "Ricky or? Willie?"
"Willie" He continued. And "On the Road Again" came from the speakers. I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd say "Beethoven" I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said?”Beatles" I'd get one of their awesome songs.
One day, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new car but I swerved
In time to avoid them. I yelled "********!”
The French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda and Michael Moore,
Backed up by John Kerry on guitar, Al Gore on drums, Bill Clinton on sax and
Ted Kennedy on booze.
Man, I LOVE this car!
I just got my new Lexus RX400H and returned to the dealer the next day complaining that I couldn't figure out how the radio worked.
The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated?”Watch this"! He said “Nelson" The Radio replied "Ricky or? Willie?"
"Willie" He continued. And "On the Road Again" came from the speakers. I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd say "Beethoven" I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said?”Beatles" I'd get one of their awesome songs.
One day, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new car but I swerved
In time to avoid them. I yelled "********!”
The French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda and Michael Moore,
Backed up by John Kerry on guitar, Al Gore on drums, Bill Clinton on sax and
Ted Kennedy on booze.
Man, I LOVE this car!
Senior Member
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 6,861
From: Pittsburgh PA
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 7,579
From:
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 372
From:
RE: JOKES
Heard a good one yesterday.
This Canadian walks into a bar. He asks for a beer, the bartender say's what do you mean by that. He says nothing but if you wanna argue I will. They argue and a couple of regulars join. The owner comes in and asks what is going on as the 3 have him pinned down. They say this guys is picking on us. The owner kicks him out.
A week later he come back after having grow a beard because he like the beer. Nothing happens until he crack a joke. The bar tender yells and screams at the Canadian but this time the Canuck has it all on tape. The owner doesn't know what to do.
What would you do?
This Canadian walks into a bar. He asks for a beer, the bartender say's what do you mean by that. He says nothing but if you wanna argue I will. They argue and a couple of regulars join. The owner comes in and asks what is going on as the 3 have him pinned down. They say this guys is picking on us. The owner kicks him out.
A week later he come back after having grow a beard because he like the beer. Nothing happens until he crack a joke. The bar tender yells and screams at the Canadian but this time the Canuck has it all on tape. The owner doesn't know what to do.
What would you do?
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 7,579
From:
RE: JOKES
Well I'll tell ya since you asked,
Taking all bias out of the picture..."its a private establishment and the owner has the right and final say on who is and is not allowed in, so the person would be removed once again, like he should be, because he obviously isnt a good fit for that bar...there is beer at lots of places, so there is no point in staying somewhere that he isnt welcome".
Taking all bias out of the picture..."its a private establishment and the owner has the right and final say on who is and is not allowed in, so the person would be removed once again, like he should be, because he obviously isnt a good fit for that bar...there is beer at lots of places, so there is no point in staying somewhere that he isnt welcome".
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 7,579
From:
RE: JOKES
Students were assigned to read 2 books, "Titanic" & "My Life" by Bill Clinton. One student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories! His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report:
Titanic: $29.99
Clinton: $29.99
Titanic: Over 3 hours to read
Clinton: Over 3 hours to read
Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Titanic: Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton: Bill is a bull**** artist.
Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton: Ditto for Bill.
Titanic: During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton: Ditto for Monica.
Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton: Let's not go there.
Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton: Monica's forced to return her gifts.
Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton: Clinton doesn't remember Jack.
Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton: Monica...ooh, let's not go there, either.
Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton: Bill goes home to Hillary...basically the same thing
Titanic: $29.99
Clinton: $29.99
Titanic: Over 3 hours to read
Clinton: Over 3 hours to read
Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Titanic: Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton: Bill is a bull**** artist.
Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton: Ditto for Bill.
Titanic: During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton: Ditto for Monica.
Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton: Let's not go there.
Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton: Monica's forced to return her gifts.
Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton: Clinton doesn't remember Jack.
Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton: Monica...ooh, let's not go there, either.
Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton: Bill goes home to Hillary...basically the same thing