No one believes seniors. Everyone thinks they are all senile.


An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary.

The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved

back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands they walked back to

their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the

old desk they'd shared, where Andy had carved "I love you, Sally."


On their way back home, a bag of money fell out ofan armored car,

practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up, but

not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the

money--fifty-thousand dollars.


Andy said, "We've got to give it back."

Sally said, "Finders keepers." She put the money back in the bag and

hid it in their attic.


The next day, two FBI men were c anvassing the neighborhood looking for

the money, and knocked on the door. "Pardon me, but did either of you find

a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?"


Sally said, "No."

Andy said, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic."

Sally said, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile."


The agents turned to Andy and began to question him.

One said: "Tell us the story from the beginning."

Andy said, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school

yesterday..."


The first FBI guy turned to his partner and said, "We're outta here."

 

The latest poll taken by the California Governor's office asked whether California residents think illegal immigration is a serious problem.

29% responded "Yes, it is a serious problem."

45% responded "No, ees no problema."

26% responded "No hablo inglese."



(Help us, Jesus!!!) [sm=helpout.gif]

 

Swearing can be fun...

SWEAR JAR

 

Have you heard about the instant lottery in Pakistan?

You buy a card, scratch it off and if the dot showing matches the one on your forehead, you win a gas station in New Jersey!

 

[/quote] What's the difference between a Rectal thermometer and an Oral thermometer?































The Taste
[/quote]

 

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert.
after they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says,
"Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?"

The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What's it tell you, Tonto?"

"You dumber than buffalo @#$%. Someone stole the tent."

 

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was headaing straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"

She turned and smiled and said, "Business. I"m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Chicago." He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?" "Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality." "Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I"m sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name."

"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba."

 

 

It's Tonto Goldberg.....joke stealer