JOKES
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 78
From:
RE: JOKES
Due to the popularity of the "Survivor" shows on tv, Texas is planning to do one entitled, "Survivor, Texas Style."
The contestants will all start in Dallas, then drive to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, over to Houston and down to Brownsville.
They will then proceed up to Del Rio, El Paso, Midland, Odessa, Lubbock and Amarillo.
From there they will go on to Abilene, Fort Worth and finally back to Dallas.
Each will be driving a pink Volvo with bumper stickers that read: "I'm Gay," "I Love the Dixie Chicks," "Boycott Beef,' "George Strait Sucks," "Hillary in 2008," "I'm Here To Confiscate Your Guns," and "Lonestar Sucks and I Only Drink Winecoolers."
The first one to make it back to Dallas alive wins.
The contestants will all start in Dallas, then drive to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, over to Houston and down to Brownsville.
They will then proceed up to Del Rio, El Paso, Midland, Odessa, Lubbock and Amarillo.
From there they will go on to Abilene, Fort Worth and finally back to Dallas.
Each will be driving a pink Volvo with bumper stickers that read: "I'm Gay," "I Love the Dixie Chicks," "Boycott Beef,' "George Strait Sucks," "Hillary in 2008," "I'm Here To Confiscate Your Guns," and "Lonestar Sucks and I Only Drink Winecoolers."
The first one to make it back to Dallas alive wins.
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 59
From:
RE: JOKES
ORIGINAL: Lane
Due to the popularity of the "Survivor" shows on tv, Texas is planning to do one entitled, "Survivor, Texas Style."
The contestants will all start in Dallas, then drive to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, over to Houston and down to Brownsville.
They will then proceed up to Del Rio, El Paso, Midland, Odessa, Lubbock and Amarillo.
From there they will go on to Abilene, Fort Worth and finally back to Dallas.
Each will be driving a pink Volvo with bumper stickers that read: "I'm Gay," "I Love the Dixie Chicks," "Boycott Beef,' "George Strait Sucks," "Hillary in 2008," "I'm Here To Confiscate Your Guns," and "Lonestar Sucks and I Only Drink Winecoolers."
The first one to make it back to Dallas alive wins.
Due to the popularity of the "Survivor" shows on tv, Texas is planning to do one entitled, "Survivor, Texas Style."
The contestants will all start in Dallas, then drive to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, over to Houston and down to Brownsville.
They will then proceed up to Del Rio, El Paso, Midland, Odessa, Lubbock and Amarillo.
From there they will go on to Abilene, Fort Worth and finally back to Dallas.
Each will be driving a pink Volvo with bumper stickers that read: "I'm Gay," "I Love the Dixie Chicks," "Boycott Beef,' "George Strait Sucks," "Hillary in 2008," "I'm Here To Confiscate Your Guns," and "Lonestar Sucks and I Only Drink Winecoolers."
The first one to make it back to Dallas alive wins.
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 59
From:
RE: JOKES
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a
surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was
to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off
now. The man should be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer
happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning,
Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."
"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been
expecting you."
"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you
know babies are my specialty?"
"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a
seat".
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room
floor is fun. You can really spread out there."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and
me!"
"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we
try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles,
I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, that's a lot!", gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be
In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."
"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
"Oh, my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider
their mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the
job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a
good look"
"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too.
The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly
concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.
Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your,
uh...equipment?"
"It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod
and we can get to work right away."
"Tripod?"
"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much
too big to be held in the hand very long."
Mrs. Smith fainted
surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was
to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off
now. The man should be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer
happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning,
Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."
"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been
expecting you."
"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you
know babies are my specialty?"
"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a
seat".
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room
floor is fun. You can really spread out there."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and
me!"
"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we
try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles,
I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, that's a lot!", gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be
In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."
"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
"Oh, my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider
their mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the
job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a
good look"
"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too.
The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly
concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.
Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your,
uh...equipment?"
"It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod
and we can get to work right away."
"Tripod?"
"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much
too big to be held in the hand very long."
Mrs. Smith fainted
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 1,019
From: Upstate New York
RE: JOKES
ORIGINAL: TigerLily
The one standing quietly, looking away, not to add to the obvious anger and drama that the male is feeling? That'd be my guess ...
ORIGINAL: Misster
Guess which one is the female...
[IMG]local://upfiles/457/4594235A5BD84858A2D577F267965090.gif[/IMG]
Guess which one is the female...
[IMG]local://upfiles/457/4594235A5BD84858A2D577F267965090.gif[/IMG]
