Men's Rules
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 7,579
From:
Men's Rules
We always hear "THE RULES" From the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.These are our rules!Please note.. (These are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!)
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really .
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
(But did you know men really don't mind that... It's like camping.)
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really .
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
(But did you know men really don't mind that... It's like camping.)
Senior Member
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 3,150
RE: Men's Rules
Maybe ya'll can learn from these ... gentlemen! 
Also, all numbered one on purpose!
1. Sometimes questions are not questions. We like to think out loud.
1. Mostly we're not thinking about you. But, about clothes, shoes, make-up, shopping or some guys cute ***, maybe. But not you. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are interested in these topics.
1. Saturday = shopping. Ditto Sunday morning. Ditto weekday lunchtimes. We shop therefore we are. After all, it's not a task we trust men to do.
1. A Chinese takeaway and a six pack is not our idea of a romantic evening in.
1. Women are allowed to use PMS as an excuse for anything up to and including murder. Any man who suggests our bad moods are due to PMS is being patronizing. Our bad moods are due to men.
1. Shopping is a sport. To be precise it is a blood sport.
1. Women's desire to consume and spend is due to evolution - it is complementary to man's hunting instinct. How else do we demonstrate appreciation of your ability to provide for us?
1. Size matters. Especially the size of your paycheck.
1. Women will have enough clothes the day that shops stop stocking new fashions.
1. Animals shed their skins seasonally - women purchase a seasonal wardrobe. Recycling from last year/season/yesterday is not an option.
1. Learn to understand subtle hints. We use them to avoid damaging the fragile male ego.
1. When we say '<whatever> needs doing' we mean it needs doing NOW.
1. We understand that men have difficulty targeting the toilet, especially after 6 cans of beer, but we don't understand why they can't use the toilet paper to wipe up afterwards.
1. Women dress to please men. Their own men, men in the street, the fed-ex guy, whoever. When asked for your views on an outfit, you are being given the status of an art critic.
1. Don't be scared to go beyond yes or no when answering questions. Be prepared to justify your answers. Develop verbal reasoning skills beyond monosyllables.
1. Women can think about three things simultaneously. We've evolved that way because we know that men can rarely think about one thing coherently for prolonged periods of time (>2 minutes).
1. A 2-week headache is caused by male poor performance 2 weeks and 1 night ago - or by denying access to your credit card. The solution is in your hands.
1. Your mate is not a surrogate mother. Nor does she need training from your mother. Either adapt to new house-rules or move back to mom.
1. Faking it means you finish quicker. Sometimes the experience is not worth prolonging. The solution is in your hands - and if you can't learn good techniques it will remain in your hands.
1. When we ask you to perform a task, we don't expect to have to re-train you every single time you do the same task. Learn from experience.
1. If you must pass wind in bed, there's no need to flap the duvet afterwards. And passing wind when getting a ******* ruins future opportunities.
1. Christopher Columbus was not heading for America when he discovered it. If he'd had directions, he wouldn't have ended up in some undiscovered hinterland - he'd have reached his intended destination and in only half the time.
Also, all numbered one on purpose! 1. Sometimes questions are not questions. We like to think out loud.
1. Mostly we're not thinking about you. But, about clothes, shoes, make-up, shopping or some guys cute ***, maybe. But not you. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are interested in these topics.
1. Saturday = shopping. Ditto Sunday morning. Ditto weekday lunchtimes. We shop therefore we are. After all, it's not a task we trust men to do.
1. A Chinese takeaway and a six pack is not our idea of a romantic evening in.
1. Women are allowed to use PMS as an excuse for anything up to and including murder. Any man who suggests our bad moods are due to PMS is being patronizing. Our bad moods are due to men.
1. Shopping is a sport. To be precise it is a blood sport.
1. Women's desire to consume and spend is due to evolution - it is complementary to man's hunting instinct. How else do we demonstrate appreciation of your ability to provide for us?
1. Size matters. Especially the size of your paycheck.
1. Women will have enough clothes the day that shops stop stocking new fashions.
1. Animals shed their skins seasonally - women purchase a seasonal wardrobe. Recycling from last year/season/yesterday is not an option.
1. Learn to understand subtle hints. We use them to avoid damaging the fragile male ego.
1. When we say '<whatever> needs doing' we mean it needs doing NOW.
1. We understand that men have difficulty targeting the toilet, especially after 6 cans of beer, but we don't understand why they can't use the toilet paper to wipe up afterwards.
1. Women dress to please men. Their own men, men in the street, the fed-ex guy, whoever. When asked for your views on an outfit, you are being given the status of an art critic.
1. Don't be scared to go beyond yes or no when answering questions. Be prepared to justify your answers. Develop verbal reasoning skills beyond monosyllables.
1. Women can think about three things simultaneously. We've evolved that way because we know that men can rarely think about one thing coherently for prolonged periods of time (>2 minutes).
1. A 2-week headache is caused by male poor performance 2 weeks and 1 night ago - or by denying access to your credit card. The solution is in your hands.
1. Your mate is not a surrogate mother. Nor does she need training from your mother. Either adapt to new house-rules or move back to mom.
1. Faking it means you finish quicker. Sometimes the experience is not worth prolonging. The solution is in your hands - and if you can't learn good techniques it will remain in your hands.
1. When we ask you to perform a task, we don't expect to have to re-train you every single time you do the same task. Learn from experience.
1. If you must pass wind in bed, there's no need to flap the duvet afterwards. And passing wind when getting a ******* ruins future opportunities.
1. Christopher Columbus was not heading for America when he discovered it. If he'd had directions, he wouldn't have ended up in some undiscovered hinterland - he'd have reached his intended destination and in only half the time.
Senior Member
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 3,150
RE: Men's Rules
ORIGINAL: blackstangs281
Your speaking jiberish..................didn't understand any of it.
Your speaking jiberish..................didn't understand any of it.
That's exactly how I felt reading Dennis' post, I was confused ... is it french mixed in with english, is it pig-latin ... I just couldn't understand a word of it.[8D]
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 7,253
From:
RE: Men's Rules
ORIGINAL: TigerLily
Maybe ya'll can learn from these ... gentlemen! Also, all numbered one on purpose!
1. Sometimes questions are not questions. We like to think out loud.
1. Mostly we're not thinking about you. But, about clothes, shoes, make-up, shopping or some guys cute ***, maybe. But not you. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are interested in these topics.
1. Saturday = shopping. Ditto Sunday morning. Ditto weekday lunchtimes. We shop therefore we are. After all, it's not a task we trust men to do.
1. A Chinese takeaway and a six pack is not our idea of a romantic evening in.
1. Women are allowed to use PMS as an excuse for anything up to and including murder. Any man who suggests our bad moods are due to PMS is being patronizing. Our bad moods are due to men.
1. Shopping is a sport. To be precise it is a blood sport.
1. Women's desire to consume and spend is due to evolution - it is complementary to man's hunting instinct. How else do we demonstrate appreciation of your ability to provide for us?
1. Size matters. Especially the size of your paycheck.
1. Women will have enough clothes the day that shops stop stocking new fashions.
1. Animals shed their skins seasonally - women purchase a seasonal wardrobe. Recycling from last year/season/yesterday is not an option.
1. Learn to understand subtle hints. We use them to avoid damaging the fragile male ego.
1. When we say '<whatever> needs doing' we mean it needs doing NOW.
1. We understand that men have difficulty targeting the toilet, especially after 6 cans of beer, but we don't understand why they can't use the toilet paper to wipe up afterwards.
1. Women dress to please men. Their own men, men in the street, the fed-ex guy, whoever. When asked for your views on an outfit, you are being given the status of an art critic.
1. Don't be scared to go beyond yes or no when answering questions. Be prepared to justify your answers. Develop verbal reasoning skills beyond monosyllables.
1. Women can think about three things simultaneously. We've evolved that way because we know that men can rarely think about one thing coherently for prolonged periods of time (>2 minutes).
1. A 2-week headache is caused by male poor performance 2 weeks and 1 night ago - or by denying access to your credit card. The solution is in your hands.
1. Your mate is not a surrogate mother. Nor does she need training from your mother. Either adapt to new house-rules or move back to mom.
1. Faking it means you finish quicker. Sometimes the experience is not worth prolonging. The solution is in your hands - and if you can't learn good techniques it will remain in your hands.
1. When we ask you to perform a task, we don't expect to have to re-train you every single time you do the same task. Learn from experience.
1. If you must pass wind in bed, there's no need to flap the duvet afterwards. And passing wind when getting a ******* ruins future opportunities.
1. Christopher Columbus was not heading for America when he discovered it. If he'd had directions, he wouldn't have ended up in some undiscovered hinterland - he'd have reached his intended destination and in only half the time.
Maybe ya'll can learn from these ... gentlemen!
Also, all numbered one on purpose! 1. Sometimes questions are not questions. We like to think out loud.
1. Mostly we're not thinking about you. But, about clothes, shoes, make-up, shopping or some guys cute ***, maybe. But not you. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are interested in these topics.
1. Saturday = shopping. Ditto Sunday morning. Ditto weekday lunchtimes. We shop therefore we are. After all, it's not a task we trust men to do.
1. A Chinese takeaway and a six pack is not our idea of a romantic evening in.
1. Women are allowed to use PMS as an excuse for anything up to and including murder. Any man who suggests our bad moods are due to PMS is being patronizing. Our bad moods are due to men.
1. Shopping is a sport. To be precise it is a blood sport.
1. Women's desire to consume and spend is due to evolution - it is complementary to man's hunting instinct. How else do we demonstrate appreciation of your ability to provide for us?
1. Size matters. Especially the size of your paycheck.
1. Women will have enough clothes the day that shops stop stocking new fashions.
1. Animals shed their skins seasonally - women purchase a seasonal wardrobe. Recycling from last year/season/yesterday is not an option.
1. Learn to understand subtle hints. We use them to avoid damaging the fragile male ego.
1. When we say '<whatever> needs doing' we mean it needs doing NOW.
1. We understand that men have difficulty targeting the toilet, especially after 6 cans of beer, but we don't understand why they can't use the toilet paper to wipe up afterwards.
1. Women dress to please men. Their own men, men in the street, the fed-ex guy, whoever. When asked for your views on an outfit, you are being given the status of an art critic.
1. Don't be scared to go beyond yes or no when answering questions. Be prepared to justify your answers. Develop verbal reasoning skills beyond monosyllables.
1. Women can think about three things simultaneously. We've evolved that way because we know that men can rarely think about one thing coherently for prolonged periods of time (>2 minutes).
1. A 2-week headache is caused by male poor performance 2 weeks and 1 night ago - or by denying access to your credit card. The solution is in your hands.
1. Your mate is not a surrogate mother. Nor does she need training from your mother. Either adapt to new house-rules or move back to mom.
1. Faking it means you finish quicker. Sometimes the experience is not worth prolonging. The solution is in your hands - and if you can't learn good techniques it will remain in your hands.
1. When we ask you to perform a task, we don't expect to have to re-train you every single time you do the same task. Learn from experience.
1. If you must pass wind in bed, there's no need to flap the duvet afterwards. And passing wind when getting a ******* ruins future opportunities.
1. Christopher Columbus was not heading for America when he discovered it. If he'd had directions, he wouldn't have ended up in some undiscovered hinterland - he'd have reached his intended destination and in only half the time.
