Won't start after new battery D:
 

08, 36k miles on it.

I was greeted with the lovely sound of a failed start up on a sunny afternoon... The sound *through the garage* of the wind, the birds chirping, neighbors dog screaming at me through the fence, and CLICK, CLICK, CLICK, CLICK, CLICK along with dimmed lights.

Now I haven't driven it in 4 or 5 days and haven't on a few occasions, it has always started normally afterwards. I wouldn't think it would randomly drain the battery, but it's OEM battery so I figured wth and went out and got a new one. Duralast Gold 86ft-DLG and while I had enourmous fun pretending the strap bolt would come out easily, 16 minutes later it finally came off and the new battery is in. I put the terminals back on and pranced my way back to the drivers seat, greeted with bright lights once again, I put the key in the ignition AND TURN!

*dramatic pause*
Nothing, not the wonderful noise of an engine starting up, not the depressing clicking sound of a dead battery, absolutely nothing, Aside from the whrrrring sound when I turn the key half way, which I assume is a good thing.

I checked the terminals over and over and they are good and snug, after multiple tries and rechecks I thought maybe the new battery is messing with me so I put the old one back in, again nothing, not even the clicks this time, dimmer lights of course and the whrrrrrrr sound that starts up when the key is turned half way.

Now I'm worried, could I have missed or bumped something that would cause this? I know it's still under warranty thankfully but hate to have to tow it to a dealership if it's something simple or overlooked so any insight on this is greatly appreciated!
____
edit: forgot to mention, I also checked the fuses.

Seized starter maybe? You've got power. I'd crawl under it and give the starter a whack then try it. Also try bumping the key a few times, don't just turn and hold it.

Are you sure the new battery is fully charged? How crusty are your battery terminals? My new Jeep exhibited the same exact behavior until I removed all the corrosion from the battery terminals.

radio works huh
 

dash lights flash their startup routine? the "ding ding" stuff!, radio is ok? turn signals?

if EVERYTHING else works properly you need to look at wiring to starter/solenoid.
is 12 v getting out of the ign switch?

Banged on the starter and not sure how to check if 12v is going to ign. Radio works and all the dash lights come on. Still nothing.

I'm wondering now, could it be the secuirty system? The car lock light on the dash is blinking when the key is in which, I've never payed attention to the dash before starting it before so I'm not sure if it's always stays on there pre-start.

The key remote won't lock/unlock the doors either when the battery is in so I don't know what that means. Worth a shot tho I guess, if I can find the manual for the instructions, box hunting yay!

car lock light on the dash is blinking
 

can this be a bad key?

oh btw, most modern starters use powerful rare earth magnets instead of a wired field.
they are brittle and can be cracked if hit hard. when magnets get cracked,then you need a new one

Do you have a remote start or aftermarket security system?

I agree with Draketh, if as you state the security system light is flashing on your dash, you may have the system engaged and not allowing you to start. Before you start buying parts, check that out first.
Not being able to lock and unlock the truck with the key fob button is another concern ?
Try a battery cable reset (touch both battery cables together for ten seconds, then reattach to battery)

Read this from the manual about pass lock

Other than standing there with a battery cable in each hand what exactly is that supposed to do? Nothing.
I agree with tom, don't go banging on things. They don't like it. Your probably dealing with the passlock system or you popped a fuse changing your battery. Most likely a fuse so I would re-check what you did very carefully.

your 08 does not have a traditional starter, meaning that the ignition does not supply 12volts to the starter, it goes through the ECM first. I would check relays and fuses first.