Only in TEXAS
#1
04-25-2007, 12:31 AM
Only in TEXAS
The owner of a golf course in Lufkin was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from The University of Texas and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" The secretary thought a moment, then replied, "Everything but my earrings."
You gotta love those East Texas women.
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A group of Tyler friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. "Where's Henry?" the others asked. "Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied. "You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired. "A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"
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A senior at Texas A&M was overheard saying.. "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in East Texas . When asked why, he replied he'd rather be in East Texas because everything happens in East Texas 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.
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The young man from Texas A&M came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?"
The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."
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NEWS FLASH! -Brian/College Station's worst disaster occurred when a small two-seater Cessna 150 plane, piloted by two Texas A&M students, crashed into a cemetery earlier today. Search and Rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect the number to climb as digging continues into the evening. The pilot and copilot survived and are helping in the recovery efforts.
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A Texas State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-20.
The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"
The driver replied, "Bout whut?"
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A man in Tyler had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I have a flat tire." The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?" The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back! I never did understand it either."
.
You gotta love those East Texas women.
*****************************************
A group of Tyler friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. "Where's Henry?" the others asked. "Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied. "You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired. "A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"
*************************************
A senior at Texas A&M was overheard saying.. "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in East Texas . When asked why, he replied he'd rather be in East Texas because everything happens in East Texas 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.
************************************
The young man from Texas A&M came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?"
The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."
***********************************
NEWS FLASH! -Brian/College Station's worst disaster occurred when a small two-seater Cessna 150 plane, piloted by two Texas A&M students, crashed into a cemetery earlier today. Search and Rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect the number to climb as digging continues into the evening. The pilot and copilot survived and are helping in the recovery efforts.
*************************************
A Texas State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-20.
The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"
The driver replied, "Bout whut?"
*************************************
A man in Tyler had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I have a flat tire." The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?" The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back! I never did understand it either."
.
#6
04-25-2007, 02:43 AM
RE: Only in TEXAS
A rich guy from up north comes to texas to look at a ranch that's for sale. The ranch owner takes the guy out driving around the place so he can look it over. While driving along one edge of the ranch, along the fence, the rancher spots a lamb with it's head stuck in the fencing. He throws the truck into park, runs over to the lamb, drops his drawers, and starts going to town on the lamb. In the middle of it all, he turns his head, and yells over his shoulder, "You want some of this?" to the northern buyer, still sitting in the truck. The Northern guy yells back, "Yeah... OK, ... but do I have to stick my head in the fence"?
#7
04-25-2007, 03:03 AM
RE: Only in TEXAS
ORIGINAL: Fireman
A rich guy from up north comes to texas to look at a ranch that's for sale. The ranch owner takes the guy out driving around the place so he can look it over. While driving along one edge of the ranch, along the fence, the rancher spots a lamb with it's head stuck in the fencing. He throws the truck into park, runs over to the lamb, drops his drawers, and starts going to town on the lamb. In the middle of it all, he turns his head, and yells over his shoulder, "You want some of this?" to the northern buyer, still sitting in the truck. The Northern guy yells back, "Yeah... OK, ... but do I have to stick my head in the fence"?
A rich guy from up north comes to texas to look at a ranch that's for sale. The ranch owner takes the guy out driving around the place so he can look it over. While driving along one edge of the ranch, along the fence, the rancher spots a lamb with it's head stuck in the fencing. He throws the truck into park, runs over to the lamb, drops his drawers, and starts going to town on the lamb. In the middle of it all, he turns his head, and yells over his shoulder, "You want some of this?" to the northern buyer, still sitting in the truck. The Northern guy yells back, "Yeah... OK, ... but do I have to stick my head in the fence"?
#8
04-25-2007, 03:27 AM
RE: Only in TEXAS
ORIGINAL: Fireman
A rich guy from up north comes to texas to look at a ranch that's for sale. The ranch owner takes the guy out driving around the place so he can look it over. While driving along one edge of the ranch, along the fence, the rancher spots a lamb with it's head stuck in the fencing. He throws the truck into park, runs over to the lamb, drops his drawers, and starts going to town on the lamb. In the middle of it all, he turns his head, and yells over his shoulder, "You want some of this?" to the northern buyer, still sitting in the truck. The Northern guy yells back, "Yeah... OK, ... but do I have to stick my head in the fence"?
A rich guy from up north comes to texas to look at a ranch that's for sale. The ranch owner takes the guy out driving around the place so he can look it over. While driving along one edge of the ranch, along the fence, the rancher spots a lamb with it's head stuck in the fencing. He throws the truck into park, runs over to the lamb, drops his drawers, and starts going to town on the lamb. In the middle of it all, he turns his head, and yells over his shoulder, "You want some of this?" to the northern buyer, still sitting in the truck. The Northern guy yells back, "Yeah... OK, ... but do I have to stick my head in the fence"?
#9
04-25-2007, 05:49 AM
RE: Only in TEXAS
ORIGINAL: Fireman
A rich guy from up north comes to texas to look at a ranch that's for sale. The ranch owner takes the guy out driving around the place so he can look it over. While driving along one edge of the ranch, along the fence, the rancher spots a lamb with it's head stuck in the fencing. He throws the truck into park, runs over to the lamb, drops his drawers, and starts going to town on the lamb. In the middle of it all, he turns his head, and yells over his shoulder, "You want some of this?" to the northern buyer, still sitting in the truck. The Northern guy yells back, "Yeah... OK, ... but do I have to stick my head in the fence"?
A rich guy from up north comes to texas to look at a ranch that's for sale. The ranch owner takes the guy out driving around the place so he can look it over. While driving along one edge of the ranch, along the fence, the rancher spots a lamb with it's head stuck in the fencing. He throws the truck into park, runs over to the lamb, drops his drawers, and starts going to town on the lamb. In the middle of it all, he turns his head, and yells over his shoulder, "You want some of this?" to the northern buyer, still sitting in the truck. The Northern guy yells back, "Yeah... OK, ... but do I have to stick my head in the fence"?
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