A man was driving down a local street one day and approached a stop sign. He barely slowed down and ran right through the stop sign after glancing for traffic.

What the driver didn't know was that a policeman was watching the intersection. The policeman pulled out after him and stopped the car two blocks away.

Policeman: "License, registration and proof of insurance please."

Driver: "Before I give it to you, tell me what the heck you stopped me for, man."

Policeman: "Watch your tone sir; you ran the stop sign back there!!"

Driver: "Man, I slowed down, what the heck is the difference!?!"

The police officer pulled out his night stick and began smashing it over the man's head and shoulders.

Policeman: "Now, do you want me to just slow down or stop!!!?

 

While crossing the US-Mexican border on his bicycle, the man was stopped by a guard who pointed to two sacks the man had on his shoulders. "What's in the bags?", asked the guard.

"Sand," said the cyclist.

"Get them off - we'll take a look," said the guard.

The Cyclist did as he was told, emptied the bags, and proving they contained nothing but sand, reloaded the bags, put them on his shoulders and continued across the border.

Two weeks later, the same thing happened. Again the guard demanded to see the two bags, which again contained nothing but sand. This went on every week for six months, until one day the cyclist with the sand bags failed to appear.

A few days later, the guard happened to meet the cyclist downtown. "Say friend, you sure had us crazy", said the guard. "We knew you were smuggling something across the border. I won't say a word - but what is it you were smuggling?" "Bicycles!"

 

Cop wants an excuseA man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving above the speed limit. He notices a police car with its red lights on in his rear view mirror. He thinks "I can outrun this guy," so he floors it and the race is on. The cars are racing down the highway -- 60, 70, 80, 90 miles an hour.

Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the guy figures "what the heck," and gives up. He pulls over to the curb.

The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car. He leans down and says "Listen mister, I've had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I'll let you go."

The man thought for a moment and said... "Three weeks ago, my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rear view mirror, I thought that you were the officer and that you were trying to give her back to me!"

 

On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?" To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"

 

A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo-of handcuffs.

 

Yo mama so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up

Yo mama so fat her nickname is "Lardo"

Yo mama so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.

Yo mama so fat were in her right now

Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise

Yo mama so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone

Yo mama so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors

Yo mamma so fat you haveta roll over twice to get off her...

Yo mama so fat she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her for then new world

Yo mama so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free *****

Yo mama so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop!

Yo mama so fat when she has wants someone to shake her hand, she has to give directions!

Yo mama so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"

Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!"

Yo mama so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized

Yo mama so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway

Yo mama so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller

Yo mama so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets

Yo mama so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th

Yo mama so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too

Yo mama so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"

Yo mama so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!

Yo mama so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"

Yo mama so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.

Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it.

Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.

Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock.

Yo mama so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!

Yo mama so fat she's got her own area code!

Yo mama so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon!

Yo mama so fat God couldn't light Earth until she moved!

Yo mama so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!

Yo mama so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!

Yo mama so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago...

Yo mama so fat she's got Amtrak written on her leg.

Yo mama so fat even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!

Yo mama so fat her legs is like spoiled milk - white & chunky!

Yo mama so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the her good side!

Yo mama so fat she wakes up in sections!

Yo mama so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!

Yo mama so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of george washington's nose.

Yo mama so fat she rolled over 4 quarters and it made a dollar!

Yo mama so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!

Yo mama so fat when she bunje jumps she goes straight to hell!

Yo mama so fat when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck!!!

Yo mama so fat she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!

Yo mama so fat that her senior pictures had to be arial views!

Yo mama so fat she's on both sides of the family!

Yo mama so fat everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!

Yo mama so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon!

Yo mama so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!

Yo mama so fat even her clothes have stretch marks!

Yo mama so fat she has a wooden leg with a kickstand!

Yo mama so fat she has to use a VCR as a beeper!

Yo mama so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!

Yo mama so fat when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she's wearin tights!

Yo mama so fat she got hit by a parked car!

Yo mama so fat they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!

Yo mama so fat she has a run in her blue-jeans!

Yo mama so fat w

 

Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes

Yo mama so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends

Yo mama so stupid when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon

Yo mama so stupid she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" because she couldn't read

Yo mama so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind

Yo mama so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl

Yo mama so stupid you have to dig for her IQ!

Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!

Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes!

Yo mama so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!

Yo mama so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!

Yo mama so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!

Yo mama so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!

Yo mama so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!

Yo mama so stupid she took a cup to see Juice.

Yo mama so stupid that she sold the car for gas money.

Yo mama so stupid she asked you "What is the number for 911"

Yo mama so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

Yo mama so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put "O.K."

Yo mama so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.

Yo mama so stupid she stole free bread.

Yo mama so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl.

Yo mama so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.

Yo mama so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.

Yo mama so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners.

Yo mama so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.

Yo mama so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.

Yo mama so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean!

Yo mama so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl

Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!

Yo mama so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!

Yo mama so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!

Yo mama so stupid that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.

Yo mama so stupid she bought a videocamera to record cable tv shows at home.

Yo mama so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.

Yo mama so stupid she jumped out the window and went up.

Yo mama so stupid she thought a quarterback was an income tax refund.

Yo mama so stupid she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.

Yo mama so stupid that under "Education" on her job apllication, she put "Hooked on Phonics."

Yo mama so stupid she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house.

Yo mama so stupid she put lipstick on her forehead, talking about she was trying to makeup her mind.

Yo mama so stupid she watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes.

 

Yo mama has one leg and a bicycle.

Yo mama has 4 eyes and 2 pair of sunglasses.

Yo mama has so much hair on her upper lip, she braids it.

Yo mama has one hand and a Clapper.

Yo mama has green hair and thinks she's a tree.

Yo mama has one ear and has to take off her hat to hear what you're saying.

Yo mama has 10 fingers--all on the same hand.

Yo mama has a glass eye with a fish in it.

Yo mama has a short leg and walks in circles.

Yo mama has a short arm and can't applaude.

Yo mama has so many freckles she looks like a hamburger!

Yo mama has three fingers and a banjo.

Yo mama has a wooden leg with a kickstand on it.

Yo mama has a bald head with a part and sideburns.

Yo mama has a wooden leg with branches.

Yo mama has so many teeth missing, it looks like her tounge is in jail.

 

Yo mama so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."

Yo mama so poor she can't afford to pay attention!

Yo mama so poor when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush!

Yo mama so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers!

Yo mama so poor when I ring the doorbell she says,"DING!"

Yo mama so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.

Yo mama so poor your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.

Yo mama so poor her face is on the front of a foodstamp.

Yo mama so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."

Yo mama so poor she drives a peanut.

Yo mama so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.

 

Yo mama feet are so big her shoes have to have license plates!

Yo mama aint so bad...she would give you the hair off of her back!

Yo mama lips so big, Chap Stick had to invent a spray.

It took yo mama 10 tries to get her drivers license, she couldnt get used to the front seat!

Yo mama hips are so big, people set their drinks on them.

Yo mama hair so nappy she has to take Tylenol just to comb it.

Yo mama so clumsy she got tangled up in a cordless phone.

Yo mama so wrinkled, she has to screw her hat on.

Yo mama twice the man you are.

Yo mama cross-eyed and watches TV in stereo.

Yo mama is missing a finger and can't count past nine.

Yo mama arms are so short, she has to tilt her head to scratch her ear.

Yo mama middle name is Rambo.

Yo mama in a wheelchair and says, "You ain't gonna puch me 'round no more."

Yo mama rouchy, the McDonalds she works in doesn't even serve Happy Meals.

Yo mama so stupid was born on Independence Day and can't remember her birthday.

Yo mama mouth so big, she speaks in surround sound.

Yo mama gums are so black she spits Yoo-hoo.

Yo mama breath smell so bad when she yawns her teeth duck.

I saw your mama at the freak show petting the world's largest turtle.

I saw your mama kicking a can down the street. I asked her what she was doing, and she said "Moving."

Yo mama teeth are so rotten, when she smiles they look like dice.