Can you solve this puzzle?


You are riding on a beautiful white horse.

On your left side is a drop off.

On your right side are several ostriches being chased by a lion.

In front of you are four large gazelles which won't get out of your way and you can't seem to overtake them.

Behind you is a stampede of horses.

What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation?

































Get your drunk *** off the merry-go-round.

 

Just when you thought it was safe to click on Muddy postings...

 

Maybe I should start doing polls on them....

 

What, we only get one bad joke of the day now?

 

There should be abad joke board. bet there would be some really bad stuff on it.

 

Come on, bad jokes are like potato chips...you can't just stop at one.

 

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to
ask his advise in reviving her husband's libido.

'What about trying Viagra?' asked the doctor.

'Not a chance,' she said. 'He won't even take an aspirin.'

'Not a problem,' replied the doctor. 'Give him an 'Irish Viagra.'
It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee. He won't
even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know
how things went.'

It wasn't a week later when she called the doctor, who directly
inquired as to her progress. The poor dear exclaimed, 'Oh, faith,
bejaysus and begorrah! 'Twas horrid! Just terrible, doctor!'

'Really? What happened?' asked the doctor.

'Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the
effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a
twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With
one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flying,
ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there
passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you,
an absolute nightmare!'

'Why so terrible?' asked the doctor, 'Do you mean the sex your
husband provided wasn't good?'









'Twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin
here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!'

 

Damn, you screwed up, that was actually sort of funny.

 

Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi
2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton
1 millionth of a mouthwash: 1 microscope
Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: 1bananosecond
Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: Knot-furlong
365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer: 1 lite-year
Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon
Shortest distance between two jokes: A straight line.
(think about it for a moment)
1000 aches: 1 kilohurtz
Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepower
453.6 graham crackers: 1 pound cake
1 million microphones: 1 megaphone
10 cards: 1 decacards
1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig Newton
1000 cubic centimeters of wet socks: 1 literhosen
2 monograms: 1 diagram
8 nickels: 2 paradigms
3 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital: 1 I.V. League
2000 mockingbirds: 2 kilomockingbird

 

.....Muddy Muddy Muddy