'Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house,
Every creature was hurtin', even the mouse.
The toys were all broken, their batteries dead;
Santa passed out, with some ice on his head.
-
Wrapping and ribbons just covered the floor,
While upstairs the family continued to snore.
And I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks and jeans,
I went into the kitchen and started to clean.
-
When out on the lawn there arose a clatter,
I leap from the sink to see what was the matter.
Away to the garden window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the curtains, and threw up the sash.
-
And what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a little white truck,
with an oversized mirror.
The driver was smiling, so lively and grand;
The patch on his jacket said "U.S. POSTMAN."
-
With a handful of bills, he grinned like a fox,
Then quickly he stuffed them into our mailbox.
Bill after bill, after bill, and they still came.
Whistling an shouting he called them by name:
-
"Now Dillard's, now Broadway's, now Sears and Robinson's.
Here's Penney's, Levitz's, Target and Mervyn's.
To the tip of your limit, every store, every mall,
You charged away--charged away--charged away all!"
-
Whooping an whistling as he finished his work.
He filled up the box, and then turned with a jerk.
He sprang to his truck an drove down the road,
Driving much faster with just half a load.
-
Til I heard him exclaim with great holiday cheer, "Enjoy what you got. .
.you'll be paying all year!"

 

Here is one for you Dennis...

Christmas Story.

Twas the night before christmas--old santa was pi$$ed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little Brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works.

I've busted my a$$ for damn near a year,
Instead of thanks santa---what do I hear,
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night,
The elves want more money--the reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids,
Donner is pregnant and vixen has aids,
and just when I thought that things would be better,
those a$$holes from the IRS sent me a letter,
they say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny
who the he!! ever sent santa any money.

And the kids these days--they all are the pits
they want the impossible--those mean little *****
I spent a whole year making wagon and sleds
Assembling dolls--Their arms, legs, and heads
I made a ton of yo yo's--no request for them
They want computers and robots--they think, I'm IBM.

Flying through the air..dodging the tree's
falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job theres just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat a$$ and draw unemployment

There's no Christmas this year, now you know the reason
I found me a blonde, I'm going south for the season.
[sm=happybounce.gif][sm=happybounce.gif][sm=happybounce.gif]

 

both are good

and Dennis....How true the one you posted is!!!! Except I had to get up at 6:30am the day after Christmas....dear god how I would love to sleep in

 

 

I enjoyed both, well done...

 

Those are so funny ... poor Santa, he gets no respect! [&:]