RE: JOKES
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RE: JOKES - 6/13/2007 9:57:25 AM
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Misster
Posts: 59
Joined: 3/24/2006
Status: offline
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A man dials a number: "Hello, is this the sheriff's office?"
"Yes, what can we do for you?"
"My name is Floyd and I'm calling to report my neighbour Virgil Smith...he's hiding marijuana inside his firewood! I don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there"
"Thank you very much for your call, sir !"
The next day, the sheriff's deputies descent on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.
Shortly, Virgil's phone rings,
"Hey Virgil! This here's Floyd... did the sheriff come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep!"
"Happy birthday buddy!"
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RE: JOKES - 6/13/2007 3:51:32 PM
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Muddydawg75
Posts: 9966
Joined: 3/11/2007
From: South Jersey Shore
Status: offline
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^^^HAHAHA
The Cardiologist's Funeral
A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart
covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.
Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside.
The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart
forever.
At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes
stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own
funeral. I'm a gynecologist."
The proctologist fainted.
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RE: JOKES - 6/13/2007 4:03:23 PM
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Okanagan Hummer Girl
Posts: 82
Status: offline
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Proctologist joke
A proctologist just finished examining a patient and said "good by Mr.
Smith, see you next week". The nurse walks in a few minutes later and
has a form for the Proctologist to sign. The nurse sees that he is
trying to write with his rectal thermometer and informs the doctor of his
mistake. He exclaims "oh man, some asshole stole my pen!"
_____________________________
Happily Ever After Starts Now!
2007 Hummer H3
(Birch) Snow White
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RE: JOKES - 6/14/2007 9:43:06 AM
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Misster
Posts: 59
Joined: 3/24/2006
Status: offline
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A younger guy opens the door to the barbeshop full of people and asks the barber: "How long a wait for a haircut?"
"One hour" answers the barber.
The guy disappears and doesn't come back.
Next day the same guy opens the door again and asks: "How long a wait for a haircut?"
"One and half hour" answers the barber.
The guy disappears and doesn't come back.
The same thing keeps going on for more than a week.
Finally the barber can't help it and tells his assistant to follow the guy.
After a while the assistant comes back and is almost choking of laughter.
"What? Tell me, where did he go?"
The assistant can barely answer, laughing: "To your house!"
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RE: JOKES - 6/14/2007 12:07:37 PM
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HummerGuy
Posts: 6689
Status: offline
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RE: JOKES - 6/14/2007 3:49:00 PM
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Muddydawg75
Posts: 9966
Joined: 3/11/2007
From: South Jersey Shore
Status: offline
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
Them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to
Build up the required pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door , who do you let in first?
The dog , of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
-- -----------------------------------------------------------------
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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RE: JOKES - 6/14/2007 11:53:29 PM
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Misster
Posts: 59
Joined: 3/24/2006
Status: offline
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RE: JOKES - 6/15/2007 1:18:45 PM
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Muddydawg75
Posts: 9966
Joined: 3/11/2007
From: South Jersey Shore
Status: offline
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No one believes seniors. Everyone thinks they are all senile.
An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary.
The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved
back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands they walked back to
their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the
old desk they'd shared, where Andy had carved "I love you, Sally."
On their way back home, a bag of money fell out ofan armored car,
practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up, but
not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the
money--fifty-thousand dollars.
Andy said, "We've got to give it back."
Sally said, "Finders keepers." She put the money back in the bag and
hid it in their attic.
The next day, two FBI men were c anvassing the neighborhood looking for
the money, and knocked on the door. "Pardon me, but did either of you find
a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?"
Sally said, "No."
Andy said, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic."
Sally said, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile."
The agents turned to Andy and began to question him.
One said: "Tell us the story from the beginning."
Andy said, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school
yesterday..."
The first FBI guy turned to his partner and said, "We're outta here."
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