Laws of the Universe

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 1. Law of Mechanical Repair:
 After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to go to the bathroom.

 2. Law of the Workshop:
 Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

 3. Law of probability:
 The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

 4. Law of the Telephone:
 When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

 5. Law of the Alibi:
 If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

 6. Variation Law:
 If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time).

 7. Bath Theorem:
 When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

 8. Law of Close Encounters:
 The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

 9. Law of the Result:
 When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11. Theater Rule:
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

12. Law of Coffee:
 As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something