BLONDE JOKES

Dennis

3/16/2007 4:02:57 PM

BLONDE LOGIC

Two blondes living in Texas were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?" The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida?????"

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor" She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde." "I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!" "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, ca

kild1

3/16/2007 6:48:59 PM

good ones mr dennis

LawWyfe

3/16/2007 6:54:01 PM

EXCUSE EM WAH! (whatever the heck french is for that lol) Said the blonde gal in FLA to the Old fart!
(justtttttttt teasin...Im not to far behind ya hun!)

blackstangs281

3/16/2007 8:13:50 PM

peanutic

3/16/2007 9:11:52 PM

I find the "watch dogs" very funny...

post some more...

HummBob

3/16/2007 11:11:16 PM

I LOVE BLONDE JOKES!!!(my wife's BLONDE)

littlehummerboy

3/17/2007 12:13:27 AM

A blonde decides to sell her Hummer as it is getting up in miles. She tries for several weeks to sell it but nobody seems interested as it has 320,000 miles on it. She tells her friend how much trouble she is having selling it due to the high mileage. Her friend says "I have a mechanic friend who can roll back the odometer for you. It's not really legal, but it should help you sell your truck. Here is his name and address, go see him and have him roll it back to 20,000 miles." The blonde says "Anything to sell this thing!", and takes it to the mechanic. A few weeks later, her friend runs into her and asks if she sold her Hummer. "Why sell it?", says the blonde. "It only has 20,000 miles on it!".

H34 pleasure

3/17/2007 2:01:31 PM

those were pretty good.

dilo2001gt

3/17/2007 2:26:50 PM

Sugardaddy

3/17/2007 2:33:35 PM

littlehummerboy

3/21/2007 1:33:37 AM

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer asks her some questions:

Officer: What's 2 + 2?

Blonde: Ummm... 4!

Officer: What's the square root of 100?

Blonde: Ummm... 10!

Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?

Blonde: Ummm... I dunno.

Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.

The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job.

The blonde replies excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a murder case!"

Wu Jen

3/21/2007 8:23:36 AM

Three girls are trapped on an island: a brunette, a redhead and a blonde. They discover a magic lamp and rub it, causing a magic Genie to pop out.

"I will grant you three wishes, one for each of you!" exclaims the Genie.

The brunette speaks first, "I wish to be flown off of this island." The Genie complies and a helicopter appears, whisking the brunette away.

The redhead then says, "I wish for a boat to show up so it can take me away from here!" The Genie again complies and no sooner than snapping his fingers, a boat shows up and the redhead sails away.

The blonde looks at the Genie, then out towards the ocean, then back to the Genie and says, "I wish my friends were here..."

Fireman

3/22/2007 1:36:02 AM

Ok, I hope it's not too tacky.. if so, please feel free to delete it. It's an oldy, but it's one of my favorites.

Know why the Blondes in San Francisco don't where mini skirts?

Because when they bend over, their balls hang out.

Dennis

3/22/2007 9:58:26 AM

littlehummerboy

3/23/2007 6:11:35 PM

A blonde woman named Brandi finds herself in dire trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in serious financial trouble. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help.

She begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto."

Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Brandi again prays..."God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."

Lotto night comes and Brandi still has no luck. Once again, she prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order."

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Brandi is confronted by the voice of God Himself... "Brandi, you have to buy a ticket."

Muddydawg75

3/23/2007 6:41:59 PM

All of those were Gems....

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